


Under No Circumstances Was It An Orgy(Stop Asking)

by AnimeYaoiFangirl100



Series: did someone mention a restaurant? [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Annoying relatives, Drinking, Gen, Hangover, Headaches, Hidan and Obito have a bromance, Hidan can sing who knew, Konan doesn't handle hangovers well, Madara is the one uncle that has to do these things, Obito is still not a stripper in case you were wondering, Obito never has been normal, Other, Panic! - Freeform, Parties after work, Rambling, Uchiha's are weird, a small chance of mistaken identity, a weird one but it's still a bromance, and your uncle who just happens to be your boss stops by for lunch, but Kisame does so it's all okay, but he still has a lot of shoe boxes filled with one dollar bills, dammit nobody wants to hear Obito sing, friendships, he can't hold a tune to save his life, mentions of Twitter, no paying in ones this time, oh my Obito broke a promise, that awkward moment when half of your co-workers are passed out in your living room, too bad it's not at the disco, videos might not be going viral but they still get around, why must relatives interfere in things beyond their understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6182887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeYaoiFangirl100/pseuds/AnimeYaoiFangirl100
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why didn't you tell me it was almost noon already? Madara could be here any minute and I have his very inebriated and most likely very hungover workers scattered around my living room! They're unconscious, Rin! I don't even-" He stopped, his voice going a little too high as he searched for words to describe the panic that he was feeling, but only coming up with: "I don't even have coffee to wake them up! Why would you do this to me?" </p><p>/~/</p><p>In which Obito's hangovers aren't like other people, he panics and then has to wonder why he's even friends with his co-workers because they always get him into ridiculous situations that he can't get himself out of fast enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under No Circumstances Was It An Orgy(Stop Asking)

To be fair, Obito wasn't a morning person on the best of days. He always had to work extra hard to make sure that he got things done on time(he had a tendency to hit the snooze button a little too forcefully and ultimately killed all his alarm clocks). It wasn't that he didn't get enough sleep - he always got more than enough - but he was more of a night owl. When it was as dark as his hair outside, as dark as his soul, then he would stay up.  
  
If it was bright out like the fiery pits of Hell, well... Then he was going to stay in bed. Everyone else could be damned.  
  
That being said, one would think he would be even worse about it after a wild night that promised a hangover. Anyone who thought this would be wrong. Very, very wrong because he was awake and aware of things; like how there were more people on the couch than there were supposed to be, that he wasn't in his bedroom, he was still wearing his clothes from the day before and, last but not least, there was a hand in his pants(news flash, it was _not his_ ).  
  
It was too early and he was too hung over for this. Why did everything in his life have to be backwards? It just wasn't fair.  
  
Groaning, Obito tried to hide his face in his hands and go back to sleep. Maybe he should have been more concerned with the hand down his pants, especially when a finger twitched against his cock, but all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. Whoever it was would remove their hand eventually(he hoped).  
  
But it was not to be, because, not even a moment after he thought there was a possibility of him going back to sleep, he shot up, a yell escaping him. He automatically kicked out, trying to back away from the attack but only managing to throw himself over the arm of the couch. When Obito sat up, glaring at Hidan(who was the culprit, of course) and swearing at the man when he didn't even seem phased by the foot to the face.  
  
The raven haired man lifted his shirt up, staring down at the imprint of Hidan's teeth in his skin. There was more than one set, and that was what had Obito unsettled the most - that Hidan had fucking bit him more than once and he didn't even wake up to kill him. Not that he would actually kill the man, he was his friend, but that didn't mean he had put up with all this.  
  
Actually, waking up with Hidan's hand in his pants was pretty tame compared to sometimes. Boy, did he hate it when they decided to go have some fun after work. It always ended up like this; always with way too many people in his apartment. It wasn't horribly small, but it certainly wasn't meant for - Obito scowled, having to stop and count how many of them there actually were on his fingers - seven of them. Then again, it could have always been worse. The others could have agreed to come.  
  
"You know, I enjoy these occasions so much. I treasure them, really, especially when you drag me out when you know fully well that I can't drink." Had it been any other time, Obito would have been ecstatic to hear that voice, but it was too perky at that point.  
  
"You can too. You're just a buzz kill." The Uchiha sniffed, turning his head to face Rin instead of his cramped living area(there were many bodies scattered everywhere, all dressed for the most part, three of which were on the couch - no wonder he had fallen off so easily).  
  
"It's no fun being intoxicated." She dismissed, practically beaming at him. She was wearing one of his pajama shirts but nothing else(he had stopped thinking about her in any romantic fashion after he realized that he would love it more if she carried the same type of package as he did). His lips tugged down even more when she carried on. "Especially when it's more entertaining to watch you when you are the farthest thing from sober."  
  
"I got us here, didn't I?"  
  
"No, _I_ got us here. You're out of coffee, by the way. Good luck getting any of these lugs out of your home without it."  
  
"Why didn't you go buy some?" Obito said(he did _not_ whine). "You know what kind I like. As much as possible. As large as possible. Then make it. Preferably black, like what you're making me into right now."  
  
"I do hate to break it to you, but you're not changing races just because I didn't go get you coffee." Rin said, her lips curling upwards into an amused smile.  
  
"Who said anything about changing races? I'm talking about my soul. It's turning black. I'm dying. You could have saved me, Rin, if only you would have went and bought coffee. Bought me specifically coffee."  
  
"If I bought coffee, I'd make sure it was for everyone in this room but you." She said cruelly. At least, her words were cruel to his ears. "And I can't go to the store today. I am "sick" and might have texted Kakashi last night to cover for me. He's covering for me today while I recover."  
  
"You're not sick."  
  
"Sure I am. I have a horrible headache and I'm throwing up all over the place."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"Only for you." She said cheekily, surveying the room. Nothing was broken, and Obito thought that was a step in the right direction. "But, seriously, I can't go get you coffee or else I would be busted; I would have already been there and back if I could have. You'll need to do it. Also, your Uncle called. He's going to be stopping by around lunch."  
  
"Sweet. Which Uncle?"  
  
"Look, I know that you're supposed to be hungover, but aren't you supposed to be a genius."  
  
"I was disowned from the genius family, if you don't recall, so I don't think I qualify as a genius." Black eyes blinked and Rin gave him a pointed look. His lips opened in an 'o' as realization hit. "I've been disowned. Right. Madara. You said that he was coming around lunch? At least I have a few hours to sober up. Everyone else. Not me. I'm sober enough to be awake."  
  
"You're rambling. You do that when you're hungover. I don't know why you can't have a normal, painfully silent hangover like normal people."  
  
"Have you met the rest of the people in the room?" Obito demanded, pushing himself to his feet and making his way slowly through the room, maneuvering around the people laying in his way(mainly Sasori and Deidara, who were cuddling, and that was weird, like really weird, because Sasori hated physical contact with a passion). He pointed with his finger as he went on, "That girl over there is Konan, who happens to be known for her telling everything in her path to fuck off when she's hungover, even if it's a plastic plant. Oh, hey, look, that one who tried to maul me, also happens to be known to complain about how much his head hurts and he's going to sacrifice every living thing in this world."  
  
"I see your point." Rin said with a laugh, holding her hands up in surrender as they entered his bedroom. The sheets were all messed up, and he figured that Rin had spent the night in his bed rather than stay with the party animals(emphasis on animals).  
  
He stopped, turning so that he could grab the shoe box that he used to keep his money in. More specifically, one of the ones that he kept his money in, because he didn't have a credit card and didn't really want one and he always got a lot in tips. This box, however, was one of the many that were dedicated solely to one dollar bills. Because Rin was in the room with him and he had to use them(she made him swear on everything that he held dear that he wouldn't use anything else to pay for anything until he made a serious dent in his One Dollar shoe boxes) and, to be honest, he could never go back on a promise anyway so he probably would have gotten the ones out without her presence.  
  
But then he froze because he had to be seeing things. Maybe he was finally succumbing to that eye disease his family was known for contracting because it couldn't be 11:45. Instead, he stood there and gaped, then spun around to stare at Rin in horror.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me it was almost noon already? Madara could be here any minute and I have his very inebriated and most likely very hungover workers scattered around my living room! They're unconscious, Rin! I don't even-" He stopped, his voice going a little too high as he searched for words to describe the panic that he was feeling, but only coming up with: "I don't even have coffee to wake them up! Why would you do this to me?"  
  
"Look, Obito, just calm down-" Rin started, but he didn't listen. He spun around again, quickly grabbing a completely different box of the shelf. He didn't have time to count out thirteen ones just to buy a thing of coffee. He needed something fast. Obito ripped the lid off the box, grabbed a twenty dollar bill that seemed to have seen better days, and made a beeline out of the room.  
  
"Obito! You promised not to do that!"  
  
"Screw the promise!" He would regret that later. Obito knew that and accepted his fate with open arms. He would make it up to Rin later. "This is life or death and I can't keep a promise when I'm dead!"  
  
"Obito, stop. Obito, I swear to _God_ , you need to stop right there and listen to me. You can't go out right now."  
  
"Why not?" He asked, staring at her. Like always, whenever she told him to do something, he did it - his body automatically listened to her at this point. He desperately hoped she had a good reason for stopping him because he had T-minus ten minutes before his Uncle was there.  
  
Unlike Obito, Uchiha Madara was never late.  
  
"You should probably find something to cover your neck with." She said quickly, gesturing to the side of his neck. His lips tugged downwards once again as he pressed his fingers against his neck, wincing when he found out it was tender. A growl escaped him and he glared at Hidan. He didn't even need to know because he knew it was Hidan's fault this time too.  
  
"Dammit, Hidan." Obito swore, momentarily forgetting about his Uncle-Visiting induced panic. "Back at it again with the god damn biting."  
  
"Actually," Rin started, sounding a little uncertain on whether to bring something up, "it wasn't Hidan. It was Kisame."  
  
" _Kisame?_ "  
  
"He thought you were Itachi."  
  
Obito opened his mouth to reply because, no matter how much Kisame had to drink and no matter how much the Uchiha bloodline ran true, he shouldn't have been confused with Itachi _at all_. Itachi hadn't even got drinks with them because he didn't want to go to work the next day with a hangover. Other than the whole pale skin, black hair and black eyes thing, they didn't look at all alike.  
Fuck Kisame. He deserved to get hit by a train.  
  
"He got me confused with my cousin more than once, it feels like. Itachi wasn't even _there_." Obito was whining now, but this was different. He had a reason to whine. Yes, he liked Kisame, and he probably could have over-looked the whole trying-to-maul-your-neck thing if he hadn't gotten mistaken for Itachi.  
  
Don't get him wrong, he loves his cousin dearly - he would do anything for Itachi - but sometimes it was so hard to ignore that the other Uchiha was so much better at everything.  
  
Great, now here's another classic example of the mighty Obito Hangover; self-loathing. Just in time for Uncle Madara, who was the king of all things self-loathing.  
  
"If you want to see it, I took a video?"  
  
"Why would you take a video of that?" He complained, staring at her and watching the blood rush to her cheeks. "Of all things, Rin, why _that_?"  
  
"To be fair, I took a lot of videos of you guys last night." She said honestly, confidently. Obito always valued that; he could always look to her for the truth, no matter how much he didn't want to hear it. "Some are staying strictly with me, others I sent to a couple friends to show them what a party animal I am."  
  
"Oh yes, such a party animal." Obito sniffed. "Just, please tell me that videos of me doing ridiculous shit aren't going to start trending on Twitter."  
  
"They better not start trending anywhere." She said sternly. "I sent a lot of the videos to Kurenai and, even though she might show them to some of her friends, I trust her completely. She won't let anything go viral."  
  
It was at this point that Obito opened his mouth to retort, to make a cutting remark that he knew he would regret more than anything, because they both knew that Rin always looking for the good in people was a downside sometimes, but he would never use it against her. Though the thought flitted through his head for a moment before a knock resounded through the apartment.  
The young Uchiha opened the door without a second thought, pocketing the money he was grasping and staring intently at his Uncle. Obito was lucky that, at this point, Madara was playing the role of Uncle rather than of boss. That being said, he should have been expected something like the shocked expression on the older mans face.  
  
"Jesus Christ, Obito. What, did you have an orgy?"  
  
"No." The younger man deadpanned, staring his Uncle straight in the eye. "Just no. Don't ever say that again."  
  
"Your neck suggests otherwise."  
  
"And your face suggests that you need your nose broken." Obito muttered crossly, looking down when Madara cleared his throat.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing." Obito said quickly, looking right back up at the other Uchiha and practically beaming at him. Or trying to. It was hard and slightly painful because he didn't feel like being cheerful _at all_ , but Madara was nothing if not short-tempered. "Would you like to come with me to the store and get some coffee? I'm fresh out and I do need to be a great host, don't I? That requires offering you food and drink, and I do know how much you love your coffee."  
  
"You know, I can always wait in your apartment while you go get it." The other said, his voice dry, and it had Obito almost smiling in relief. Madara, like all of their family, knew that Obito wasn't the traditional host when it came to getting things done on time, let alone properly.  
  
"No, no." The young man said, nodding as he stepped out of the apartment, not bothering to grab a jacket. It was spring, therefore jackets were unnecessary. He grasped Madara by the elbow as he talked, "I know this isn't anywhere near your standards, but the greatest part of this place is that there's a store right across the street. Literally, it won't even take ten minutes."  
  
He was steering the older man away from the door while he gestured to Rin wildly. He could only hope that she understood that he wanted her to wake up their friends by any means necessary. She nodded, so he hoped that his hand signs made at least a little bit of sense to her(he was never good at sign language and he was sure that he never would be).  
  
As promised it only took a few minutes to get out of the building and across the street - it was the middle of the day so there was barely any traffic to dodge. Obito knew exactly where the coffee was, so he made a beeline and picked up the largest can that the store offered. He was going to need it.  
  
"Wait." Madara said and Obito cocked his head so he could look at the man. "Isn't this the store that Rin works at?"  
  
"Yes...."  
  
"And also the store where that guy who thought you were a stripper works?"  
  
"Konan told you."  
  
"She tried, but Deidara beat her to it." The older Uchiha gave a thoughtful hum. It had Obito a little worried, to be honest. It was never a good thing when Madara was thoughtful - at least not around him. "Nobody just thinks about someone being a stripper. Not unless they're interested."  
  
"You're being dumb." Obito said seriously, walking forward and muttering under his breath, "Don't you dare say anything or I'm going to quit. I swear I will."  
  
"No you won't." The words were said in total confidence and, if Obito wasn't mistaken, some cheerfulness as he swooped passed the young man, moving to stand in front of the checkout and all but slamming his hand down on the top of the counter.  
  
The dramatics were meant to draw attention, and they always worked. Obito didn't bother fighting the smile that took over his face when Kakashi practically threw his phone(he probably shouldn't have been on it at work, but who knows).  
  
"Can I help you?" Kakashi asked after getting a handle on his phone, staring at Madara with dull eyes. The bastard didn't look ruffled at all, even after being startled by the one Uchiha that you didn't want to mess with(Madara was all fun in games until you started him on a rant/pissed him off). Obito was a little impressed.  
  
"Are you into my nephew?" A demand; classic Madara.  
  
"No?" A blink; classic Kakashi.  
  
"Of course you're not right now, but do you have plans of getting in him into the near future? If so I must say that you bett-"  
  
"Madara!" That was.. sadly classic Obito. No. He was not having any of that. No threats, no insinuating words. "We came for coffee, not for you to bother people." He'd move up, setting the can down so the other could scan it. Obito couldn't ignore the stare on his neck and he raised his eyes to glare at Kakashi(who still just looked very unimpressed).  
  
"Wild night?"  
  
"A regretful night, if you ask me." Without even being asked, he handed over the twenty only to receive an odd look in return. With a sigh, Obito continued, "Look, I was not in the mood to deal with the ones and I'm sure you're getting sick of it."  
  
"Did you not enjoy karaoke last night, Obito?" Kakashi asked lightly, opening the drawer and slowly counting back the change. The Uchiha blinked.  
  
And blinked again because how did Kakashi know that.  
  
The confusion must have shown on his face because the cashier offered an explanation willingly. Obito didn't know if he liked that or not. It was kind of weird, if he was completely honest. Kakashi was never willing to offer information.  
  
He narrowed his eyes, something telling him that he wasn't going to like what Kakashi had to say.  
  
"Kurenai sent me a few videos. There was one of you and the loud mouthed one - Hidan, maybe? - singing together. And dancing together. You two appear pretty close." He paused for a moment, looking away as he pushed the bag that held Obito's coffee in it closer to the Uchiha. "Was he the one who did that to your neck?"  
  
"Jesus - no!" He raised his hands, waving them in front of his chest in a 'no go' signal. "Hidan and I are not - no. No. _No_. I'd kill Hidan if he did this. This was Kisame and I _am_ going to kill him for doing this."  
  
"I thought you told me that you didn't have an orgy?" Obito turned his head, for a moment completely forgetting that his Uncle was standing right next to him. It made him miss the reaction from Kakashi - which was priceless - but right now he didn't care(he cared a little bit, actually).  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"And yet you were with both Hidan and Kisame last night? Both of which got close enough to do that to you."  
  
"Look, just because they both bit me doesn't mean anything." The young man said, not at all thinking about what he was saying. Later, if it was brought up, he would blame the alcohol induced stupor. "I wasn't just with them anyway - Rin was there and so were some of the others from work."  
  
"Not Itachi, right?" Madara asked with a frown and, with the way both he and Kakashi were looking at him, Obito realized that he made a large error.  
  
"You," He snapped, pointing at Kakashi. "Are not allowed to see those videos and don't you dare share with anyone or I will end you."  
  
"I wouldn-"  
  
"End. You." Obito repeated. "And _you_ ," He turned to his Uncle, glaring at him. "Stop assuming that I had a fucking orgy. Itachi didn't have an orgy. I also didn't have an orgy. I just have half of your waitstaff passed out in my living room because we had a fun night out and - guess what - everyone's wearing most of their clothes because _there were no orgies_."  
  
With a slow nod, Madara turned, grabbed the bag out of Obito's hand and left the store. Obito winced a little because he knew the warpath that he had set his Uncle on(it probably also involved waking everyone up with coffee, but in a completely different way than how Obito was going to do it).  
  
Then the momentary wince was gone, leaving behind the uncaring Obito. The one nobody wanted to deal with. So he glared at Kakashi again for equal measure.  
  
"Delete those videos."  
  
"What if I like your singing and want to keep it with me always?"  
  
The Uchiha scowled because was Kakashi sassing him? It was too early for this.  
  
"Don't you dare test me, Hatake. You will delete those videos. I suck at singing and we both know it, but, if you really want someone to sing for you, I'm sure that I can send Hidan."  
  
"Thanks, but no." The momentary smile on the others face was gone almost as soon as it appeared, and it made Obito feel a little like he had missed something.  
  
Ha, the only thing he was missing was the coffee that he had bought and Madara had taken with him. If he was missing anything it wasn't going to come to him now. So, instead of hurting himself trying to think of this probably-not-missing thing, Obito managed to give a pleasant nod to Kakashi(a complete turn around from the previous threat) before he walked out the door.  
  
He just really hoped that he could talk Madara out of dumping coffee on his furniture. It was always hard to get those kinds of stains out(everyone could deal with the scalding burns).

**Author's Note:**

> To be fair, I feel like I've done enough messing around with the tags. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of tagging things because I don't know what to tag them as, buttttttt I might be having a little too much fun with it.
> 
> There are also probably more than a couple errors in this, but I will do my best to locate them within the next couple days!


End file.
